Welcome. Fresh from the honour of accepting "Cephalopod of the Year", Purple Squid joins Jane Cooper for a rare interview.

JC: Welcome, Purple Squid. You're looking slightly indigo, I must say. Too much celebratory champagne?

PS: Not for me. I only drink prawn cocktails myself. Anyway, get on with it. My clients don't want to read nonsense. They want their copy to get to the point, not contain pointless waffle.

JC: Apologies. So, firstly, the question on everybody's lips: are you really a squid?

PS: Of course. How else do you explain the tentacles? Aren't you supposed to be asking about the copywriting?

JC: Of course. So, Purple Squid, how does your freelance copywriting work? Why would anyone actually need a freelance copywriting service?

PS: Every business needs to communicate. Whether it's to make people aware of the great service or product you're offering, to let them know about special deals or offers, or to build your brand and grow your business. You could have the most wonderful product ever invented, which could revolutionise all our lives, but you'll get nowhere if nobody knows about it. Good copywriting is about communicating with your existing and potential clients, in a way that will appeal to them, inform them, and attract them to your business. And, essentially, to persuade them to take the action you want them to take.

JC: I see. So whatever your business, Purple Squid can help? But how can you write about businesses in which you've never worked?

PS: I don't need to know every detail of your business. You're the expert on your business; my job is to know how to communicate the messages you want to shout about, and to do exactly that. I just need to know what your product or service is, why it's fabulous, and who you want to sell it to.

JC: Is it expensive to hire you for freelance copywriting work?

PS: Not when you consider the expenditure in the context of how much value Purple Squid's copywriting will add to your business. The cost of Purple Squid's services largely depends on what you want, and how much work is involved. You can always get in touch about your requirements, and Purple Squid will give you a quote, with no obligation at all.

JC: Being a squid, do you have any experience of having to adhere to tight deadlines?

PS: Of course. Have you never heard of the tide? There's no more inflexible deadline than that. Just ask King Canute.

JC: So how do you work alongside your clients?

PS: I pride myself on being approachable, friendly, and efficient. We'll have a good chat about what you want to achieve from Purple Squid's copywriting service, and who exactly you are trying to attract to your business. We can talk on the phone, or communicate by email. Or both.

JC: You take phone calls?

PS: Well no, not personally, because I'm a squid. My tentacles get trapped in the buttons. And I can't actually speak.

JC: But you're speaking to me now, for this interview.

PS: Well no, I'm not. This is just a creative device to demonstrate the originality and fresh approach of Purple Squid to my clients.

JC: Oh, I see. Clever.

PS: Thank you.

JC: So who answers the phone?

PS: Good question. Need a job? I'm in the market for a PA.

JC: Will I have to write copy?

PS: Certainly not! I write all the copy myself. You just need to answer the phone and bring me the odd mug of plankton.

JC: You're on.

PS: Any more questions?

JC: Just one. How do I get in touch?

PS: Just click here. See you in the morning.